Shenzhen View Pano

I can’t help but wonder how the other half of the world perceives a person like myself. I was asking this very question on Friday while I performed my near-sacred morning ritual at the hotel buffet. For anyone who knows me, it is almost universally understood that I enjoy my opportunities to overeat and consume large quantities of coffee. This very fact makes me a true sucker for any hotel buffet, especially the “fancy” ones, which are quite the common occurrence when I travel for work.

Well, my introspective query came soon after sitting down with my first plate of food. I had never really seen what maple syrup looked like mid-flight before, but as soon as my fork broke free from the mystery cosmic force in the center of one of the triangles of french toast on my plate, I was provided front row seats to that very sight. I swear the syrup quadrupled in volume as it rocketed towards my half-shielded crotch, and somehow spread out into a giant ASL version of “screw you” before making contact with the lower left quadrant of my polo shirt and the entire uncovered section of my jeans. This picture perfect display of sticky, sugary staining power was like a heat seeking missile, fired with the most sophisticated targeting algorithm ever devised to hunt down portions of clothing unprotected by napkins.

(more…)

Kempinski Entrance

The mind is a muscle, which must be exercised like any other to get stronger. The stomach, on the other hand, is not a muscle; however that won’t stop me from pretending that it is.

(more…)

Before we begin today, let me introduce you to the Dragon Fire Fruit (its real name is Pitaya), or as it’s known in China 火龍果 (huǒ lóng guǒ).  Every morning for breakfast I’ve been enjoying this white, juicy delicacy and have remarked at how similar to kiwi it is in texture.  Lo and behold, I looked it up on Wikipedia and it’s actually a cactus fruit.  They say that apart from Southern Asia it grows in Mexico, Central, and South America, which surprises me because I’ve never once heard of or seen this thing.  If you ever get a chance to eat it, don’t pass it up because it’s very tasty.

(more…)

This one’s for you Al:

Day 4: Some Stay Dry and Others Feel the Pain

All I could taste was garlic. My sweat smelled exactly like hot pot as I ran on the treadmill.  I woke up at 6:25 in a manner very similar to the day prior; the only difference being that I retained the will power to force myself awake and to stay in such a state.  This was only my second day at the gym in four days and I hadn’t even gone two days in a row, yet as I left the attendant said cheerfully, “See you tomorrow!”, which I can only guess she was trained to say because it made no sense.  Who goes to the gym on Saturday mornings?  It’d be nice to say that I had that kind of dedication, but I’d rather sleep in and then eat a huge breakfast of bacon and sausage before taking my post-breakfast nap and then spending the afternoon drinking beer and eating nachos and cheese.  Actually, that reminds me… I ate pork rinds the other day at my friend Ryan’s house and they were fantastic. I’ve never had them before, and always assumed they’d be wet and greasy but in fact they’re very light and crispy like puffed rice cakes.

Don’t ask me why I thought of that…

(more…)